180 JMSN Dolphins Die After Listening To Afrikaans Music

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* Seals, Dolphins and other birds die after listening to Afrikaans music – Exactly, I also felt sick after listening to Dozi the other day. I actually vomited.

* A crazed US gunman kills people in a shop called Target – Well now…whose fault is that? Will it hold up in court? Americans kill babies in Microwaves you know.

* A vampire has been killed in South America – Those bloody vampires are everywhere, I’m sick of them.

* Breaking News! Breaking News! Kryptonite has been discovered – Superman had better watch out…now if I could just find his Ice Palace.

* Prince William turns out gay and bald like Mark Knopfler.

Much Respect!

179 JMSN Gay Man In Spandex Going To Hell

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* Minister of Safety and Security Charles Ngwagwagwa tried to sappease internationals – “Crime in South Africa isn’t so bad” Ja – If you’re in the US dumbass..

* A fat bitch has become popular in South Africa by modelling fat clothes – Now fat women everywhere think it’s cool to be fat. Sure it is. Whatever.

* The World Cup ends with another controversy – As the Aussies have to hand back their beers and champagne so they an finish the bloody game. Whose a silly Aussie.

* Sweden scientists invent another sex drug – Marauding Cock Powder goes on sale world wide tomorrow.

* A gay men dressed in spandex going to hell.

Much Respect!

178 JMSN Woolmer Home At Last

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* Bob Woolmer comes home at last – The relief! Nothing like coming home after a disastrous World Cup.

* South African serial killer kills one in shooting spree – Not bad, but the Koreans have this market pretty wrapped up.

* A 50 year-old white couple stalk Chester Williams and his family – They aren’t staling him, they just want to return his wife’s teeth.

* A perfectly healthy London man dies after marathon – I was watching the race pissed and high on weed, and I’m fine.

* A stupid Australian that is blind has flown a Microwave Oven half way across the World.

Much Respect!

177 JMSN Government Renames Christmas

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* SA Government to rename Christmas – Like it’s Jesus’s fault he was white!!

* A Zimbabwean kidnapper arrested after asking for a R300.00 ransom – But 15 Million Bazillion Zimbabwe Dollars IS a lot of money dammit!

* South African students decline invitation to take part in Maths test – Coz the last time they did it, they came stone last – at least this time they won’t be last, and they won’t be failures.

* A stupid American arrested an Aligator – He must have the same IQ as their retarded President.

* All Chinese are fuckers. They spit everywhere and there are lots of them.

Much Respect!

176 JMSN Gauteng Premier Does A Terreblanche

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* Gauteng Premier does a Terreblanche and falls off a horse – Why do the blacks always copy the whites

* Barbados – The Proteas congratulated for putting the ‘Bar’ back into Barbados.

* Jacob Zuma says he will stand for president if asked – Quickly though before the ‘Disease’ sets in.

* An Asian kills lots of Americans – And then blames them for making his mother make takkies in a small dry factory at night.

* Don’t trust the English – Ever

Much Respect!

175 JMSN Shaik Has A Big Heart

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* Shabir Shaik’s claims he has a swollen heart – Whatever. Next you’re going to tell us you’re dead.

* A man who dug up his mothers body just wanted her to visit more – Amazing how dead people do that – stop coming around that is.

* The Barbie sex trial postponed – As Judges wait for confirmation that Barbie does have a fanny.

* Panic as great Whites discovered in Cape waters – A couple of not so great whites have been seen as well.

* Wimpy finally proves that smoking is bad for you – By beating the crap out of a smoker.

Much Respect!

174 JMSN Right Wingers Lose Court Battle

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* Right Wingers make mistake and lose court case – Now we’ll know if Afrikaans people taste like chicken.

* Voices make a Gay kill another Gay – How embarrassing to see someone you killed in Hell with all other Poop-poker Pirates.

* Saudi Man offers to buy his wives drugs – How else could he get them stoned?

* Hong Kong race horses get Herpes – Unusual in Hong Kong where chicks shoot ping pong balls out there Guams.

* A woman named ‘Careless’ gets electrocuted – Who said God doesn’t have a sense of humour?.

Much Respect!

173 JMSN Less People Die Over Easter

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* Less people die over Easter weekend – Maybe it’s coz no one can afford the trip anymore.

* Chris Hani remembered in Benoni – And also by two people in a jail somewhere.

* A dead man has been found in Disaster Park in the Freestate – Strange, no dead bodies in Happy Fluffy Bunny Park.

* We hear from world leaders about Iran nuclear program

* Paksistan’s named to be changed to ‘Sakistan’.

Much Respect!

172 JMSN Mbeki Feels Zimbabwes Pain

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* Mbeki announces that he feels Zimbabwe’s pain – But not enough to stop Mugabe, and not enough to let them stay in South Africa.

* Two Jewish lesbians get married – I thought Jewish people weren’t allowed to eat pork…?

* A Sandon office park roof collapsed – But unfortunately failed to kill any rich people.

* A 16 year old girl having a pastors child has failed to withdraw her charges – It seems she’s not the only one who failed to withdraw their charges.

* All male hairdressers are Gay.

Much Respect!

171 JMSN Zuma Trial To Get Boost Or Blow

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* Zuma trial to get boost or blow – Jacob would prefer a blow; mind you, so would I.

* Selebi to address high crime rate by legalising some crimes – If something is legal then it can’t be a crime, thus reducing the crime rate…clever.

* In a bid to reduce extortion, the Minister stops the lotto – Just as I was about to win the jackpot..typical.

* New York – A chocolate easter statue of Jesus has been described as ‘in bad taste’ – Nonsense, chocolate is delicious.

* It has been revealed that a high whining noise coming from Parktown in JHB is actually David Bullard

Much Respect!