Entries from February 2007
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* Zuma may have to pay tax on bribes received – Bribes do count as income after all.
* Winnie Mandeela’s 70th birthday party held in Midrand – 3 months after her birthday. Her Christmas celebration start on Friday.
* Tshwane labelled as paralysed – A certain upgrade from when it was called Pretoria.
* Johannesburg residents warned of poisonous grasses – Do not roll in unknown grass, you may turn out a Gay.
* A rapist from Garankua given a lovely necklace by residents – Where the poor get money for petrol, we’ll never know.
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Much Respect!
Categories: Uncategorized
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* Our Minister of Health is back in Hospital for being unhealthy – Who do we turn to, who do we trust? God? Are you there? Aaaarrrrccghhh.
* A student denies murdering another man and chopping off his knob – Coz if he admitted it, then he’d go to jail and have l9ots of bum sex – and he ain’t that kinda man!
* A Brussels man won 100 million Euros – What an arsehole.
* A Dutchman takes on the Muslims – Trouble predicted in Dutchland.
* Caprice is a woman and not a man – Let her prove it, show us your tits!
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Much Respect!
Categories: JMSN · South Africa · comedy · news
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* Gays Slammed by gays again – This time by traditional leaders! Being gay is like f***ing your cousin or your horse.
* Local Policemen boost the South African Film Industry – And release their first reality sex show called ‘This is us Banging a Crack Whore’
* 17 year old stow aways’ body returned to SA – This time he got to ride in the plane!
* A Dutchman takes on the Muslims – Trouble predicted in Dutchland.
* Britney Spears shaves her head! – Her Dad must be so proud to have raised a slag.
Don’t forget to e-Mail Joe Ma if you want to carry on getting the free downloads!
Much Respect!
Categories: JMSN · South Africa · comedy · news
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* Afrikaans language dealt a blow – Shit! Where was I when they were dealing out blows? I haven’t had a blow in months.
* IFP leader Mbakasie Mbakalezi says children need more whacks – And he’s right, I whacked off only this morning, and I feel fantastic!
* 1 Billion Valentines Day Cards sent around the world – Launching the onset of mass deforestation, global warming and Armageddon.
* A Japanese man figures out how to make beer out of Milk – What?
* Shabir Shaik releases his greatest work of fiction yet, a book called ‘The Illnesses I have’ – Apparently, it’s really long, and a very boring read.
You sons of bitches.
Much Respect!
p.s – Due to incredible popularity, Joe Ma Se News will not be free for much longer, if you have been one our loyal supporters from the start, please e-mail Master Kungfone and we’ll send you Joe Ma Se News free for another three months.
Categories: JMSN · South Africa · comedy · news
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* A man in Bronkhorstspruit strangled his girlfriend in an argument – So technically, he won the argument?
* The Deputy National Police Commissioner was attacked at gunpoint – Now if hehad done what his boss had done and become friends with the bad guys, this wouldn’t have happened.
* Coach Carlos Perreira gets paid 1.8 Million Rand and doesn’t work – Those bloody Portuguese, always slacking off. Why do Pora chicks have hairy pits?
* Thabo Mbeki dubbed Mr Delkvery after State of the Nation address – Is that coz he always delivers late and brings the wrong order that is always cold?
* In other news, my knob is slightly swollen – So there.
Much Respect!
p.s – Due to incredible popularity, Joe Ma Se News will not be free for much longer, if you have been one our loyal supporters from the start, please e-mail Master Kungfone and we’ll send you Joe Ma Se News free for another three months.
Categories: Uncategorized
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* Nckonde Balfour has ordered a Shabir Shaik health probe – Shabir is said to have asked for Vaseline.
* Finally after 14r years of black rule, a black bus driver threw white people off his bus – What took him so long?
* Confusion between President Mbeki and Chinese President Hu – Mbeki said, “President Mbeki” and then Hu said, “President Hu” and then Mbeki said, “Mbeki” and so on.
* Charlize Theron caught cheating on her watch sponsor – You can take the Dutchman out of Benoni…..ok I’ll say it… but you take Benoni out of the Dutchman.
* Minister of Health and Confusion is going to look into Microbicides – And then she’s going to eat a whole chicken.
Much Respect!
Categories: Uncategorized
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* FNB denies being bullied by Government to stop crime campaign – Government admits to bullying FNB into stopping campaign. Someone change their nappies.
* The next brother in the Shaik family gets arrested for fraud and corruption – Bets are flying in as to when the last bother and mother will be going down. We say tomorrow.
* A Pretoria policeman has been killed for a police car – Not a bad deal if you look at the prices of a police car these days.
* 18 whooping cranes led to their death by an aeroplane in a storm – This bloody Americans think everyone is out to get them.
* Japanese Minister gets into hot water for calling women baby factories – Well what else can they be used for?Much Respect!
Categories: Uncategorized
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* A drunk driving lunatic has been put in charge of security for the 2010 World Cup – And honestly who can blame him? I’d drink too if I had to that job.
* Port Shepstone police are confused as to how a naked drunk man killed another naked man – Duh, it’s obvious, they died from being Gay, and they’re going to go to hell.
* Zoo Lake – Avian Botchualism has been blamed for killing the ducks. The Chinese restaurant owners in the area are relieved they’re off the hook.
* In Entertainment – Britney Spears may be pregnant again after a visit to the San Diego Zoo, Oops, she may have done it again…whose a silly Red Neck?
Much Respect!
Categories: Uncategorized
