Entries from December 2006
This is it my sick friends. The end of the road for this year. If there is only one thing that you do for the rest of this year and the whole of next – tell your friends (and your Mother) about Jou Ma and Jou Ma Se News. Power to our voice.
JMSN 146 – Shabir Shaik now has a Heart Attack
.mp3
.swf
* Shabir Sheik now has a heart attack – Next he plans to pretend to die.
* Teachers moonlight as prostitutes as well – At last! Our teachers give a fuck!
* 60 year old Pastor rapes 16year old – Over the course of a year. Proving that old men can last longer.
* Rudolph the red nose reindeer runs away!!! – Santa frantic. Apparently the tracking device isn’t working. Billions of kids gifts in jeopardy.
* Britney Spears releases her biography – I am a porky fat red-necked bitch. Merry Christmas.
* Thabo Mbeki gives new-year message to the country
Master Kungfone say, “Much Respect and Happy New Year!”
Categories: JMSN
So what a year 2006 has been! It is official, the world has gone fucking mental. The Master is almost on holiday. As they say in my home country, “Your mother”!
JMSN 145 – Shabir Shaik wants to go home
.mp3
.swf
* Shabir Sheik wants to go home – He claims prison is very uncomfortable and makes him sweat a lot.
* White people mystified – Black people always lose their shoes at the scene of accidents and riots.
* Jacques Kallis sings National Anthem in his heart – Yeah and I only masturbate once a day.
* Indian runner stripped of her medal – Turns out she has a huge cock.
* Unknown man arrested for killing strippers – Police are not sure if he is the man or not coz he has no identity.
* Santa Claus announces plans to move production to the East– Everyone can take advantage of cheap child labour, not just Nike.
Categories: JMSN
So, even though every year thousands die ont he roads during these holidays, motorists conitnue to drive drunk and walk drunk and speed. I love it!
JMSN144 – Taliep Petersen Gunned Down
.mp3
.swf
* Legendary Theatre Icon Murdered – Condolences flood in for Taliep Petersen, a coloured and a South African.
* New Delhi, India – A wedding ceremony for dogs is dramatically cancelled. Why? Let the dogs get married, they have rights too you know.
* A man gets beaten almost to death for stealing a goat – And bloody right too. You can’t just steal a goat and expect to get away with it. Bastards.
* Police say “Stop drunk driving”. – Drivers say, “Fuck off!”
* The first gay couple to get married celebrate as they get new rings – Both are delighted, “That’s much better.” Said one.
* An 85 year old woman bungy jumps – She claims she’s a real riot in the sack.
Master Kungfone say, “Much Respect!”
Categories: Uncategorized
As Master Kungfone grows in popularity, I am finding people are expecting me to have these incredible words of wisdom and stuff. But honestly, being enlightened as I am means that most of the time you just let things alone coz all is as it should be. Ask God, he’ll tell you. Jou Ma on the other hand is a cocky little shit. That’s why you listen Jou Ma Se News
JMSN 143 – Failed Students burn down school
.mp3
.swf
* Students that failed burn down school – They may have got an ‘F’ for Maths, but they certainly get an ‘A’ in building a fire.
* Police declare war on medicine a success – They shot down four medics thinking they were crooks. Sure like crooks have figured out how to administer first aid in the last few weeks.
* Port Elizabeth Police crack drug ring and confiscate drugs – Just in time for the station Christmas party!
* Only Homos and Whores can fight AIDS – Coz only Homos and Whores get AIDS. They’re all gonna burn in Hell, do you hear me? Hell!
* Kofi Annan leaves the UN – Maybe now we can have a white guy in charge. Someone like George Bush.
Master Kungfone say, “Much Respect!”
Categories: Uncategorized
So our first female Deputy President has caused shit from the moment she got her nameplate on her office door. First a 750 000 Rand four holiday to Dubai – whatcan you in four days anyway? And now a 4.5 Million Rand trip to the UK. Some people are cross, I say, “Whatever fuck faces!”
JMSN 142 – Pumzile’s 4.5 Million Rand Trip
.mp3
.swf
* Pumzile Takes 4.5 Million Rand trip – Defence Force claims it can’t afford to pay the bill – nor can the public you arsehole.
* Soccer City to look like a R1.5 Billion Calabash – We can’t wait for the R3 Billion Cycle track shaped like a Fire Engine.
* The CO2 shortage solved – Parliament is full of gas and has offered to fart in jars to help fizzy drink companies.
* Four South Africans abducted in Baghdad – South African hostage negotiators have threatened Iraqis with coloured people.
* Moscow Russia – A drug rehab centre in Russia has claimed a 100% success rate by burning down and killing all the drug addicts inside.
* Yengeni and Shaik’s Vlog continues.
Master Kungfone say, “Much Respect!”
Categories: Uncategorized
I don’t have much to say in my blog updates, but maybe that’s because I’m scared of the repercussions…oh who’m I kidding, I don’t give a fuck about any repercussions, if you don’t like what I say then stop doing stupid shit arseholes.
JMSN 141 – Woman gives kid Hiv+ Kidney
.mp3
.swf
* A fat woman gets removed from house by fire trucks – Over 200 kg’s of voluptuous beauty. Yummy.
*Mom gives son HIV+ Kidney as well as a death sentence – Thanks Mom, you just killed my ass.
* Female terrorist tries to light fart on a plane – She got thrown off and stoned to death.
* Health Minister gives birth to World’s first arse baby – That’s right… straight outta her ass. We couldn’t believe it either.
* Yengeni and Shaik’s Vlog continues.
Master Kungfone say, “Much Respect!”
Categories: Uncategorized
JMSN 140 – Top Criminal Caught!
.mp3
.swf
* South Africa’s most wanted criminal captured – Thanks to a 9 year old girl telling on him. Well done the SAPS, you got beat by a 9 year old!
* Scandal in the health department – As the deputy and main person say different things about the same subject that contradict eachother.
* Stofile Slams White – White pushes back.
* Madagascar’s poverty caused by unnecessarily ling names – Claims president Mark Ravalomananananana nana from his headquarters at Antananoveneria.
* US Marines continue to fight war on terrorism – By raping woman and children.
* 15000 gays get married – Sis. That’s a lot of lubed ass.
* Yengeni and Shaik’s Vlog continues.
Master Kungfone say, “Much Respect!”
Categories: Uncategorized
How are you supposed to wokr at 7.6 kbps? Huh? huh
JMSN139 Only God can judge PW – Tutu
.mp3
.swf
* Former Angel of Sowetoto be renamed – From now on she will be called a lying stealing bitch.
* Tutu speaks out about the death of PW – “Only God can judge the stupid son of a bitch.”
* French Woman rejects new face in face transplant – It’s not French enough she claims.
* Mogadishu – Muslim Islamists threaten terrorist action, and quite frankly after their track record, we are crapping ourselves.
* Ten people die in ‘Brazilian’ shooting – Yes we went there. Just listen.
* Tutankamoon died from Gangrene 3000 years ago – The Tutankamoon family finally get closure three mellenia later.
* Yengeni and Shaik’s Vlog continues.
Master Kungfone say, “Much Respect!”
Categories: Uncategorized
