Entries from November 2006
Shabir Sheik goes to jail and gets sick, so he goes to a private hospital to recover from depression! Is this for real?
JMSN_138 – Tony Leon Retires
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* Tony Leon resigns from the DA, the official opposition – “Tony who?” Asks the leading party.
* Minority parties get only 4 seconds during parliamentary meetings – Four seconds too much I say, all they do is whine anyway.
* Mandela theme restaurant coming to Cape Town – Décor will include thick bars on the windows, hard benches instead of chairs as well as arrogant white Afrikaans waiters..
* Princes William and Harry to celebrate anniversary of mother’s death – They are holding a pop concert. Appearances from ‘The Cars’ as well Roxette performing ‘Crash Boom Bang’.
* Zimbabwe reports drop in crime rate in the country – Well there is nothing left to steal now is there?
* Yengeni and Shaik’s Vlog continues.
Master Kungfone say, “Much Respect!”
Categories: Uncategorized
A nice and positive Friday message. Some advice: Stop watching the NEWS!
JMSN 137 – The Deputy President almost dies in a crash
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* Deputy President almost dies in crash – But manages to escape untouched and unhurt. In fact, it wasn’t even close at all….she’s fine.
* Bangkok a Thai Buddhist monk lobs off his knob – As it distracted him. Mine’s distracting me right now.
* SAA air hostess steals R10k Ring – But no one said anything coz she’s a black.
* Chinese sculptor steals someone else’s design – Who cares, The Chinese are weird anyway, have seen how they shoot ping pong balls out their fannies?
* Yengeni and Shaik’s Vlog continues.
Master Kungfone say, “Much Respect!”
Categories: Uncategorized
Another week and another escape from C Max
JMSN 136 Man escapes from C max
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* Dangerous Criminal escapes from CMax – Using Vaseline and by breaking his pelvis using chicken wire, then he tells jail to fuck off.
* Jackie Selebi has a girls name – And he’s a crap Chief of Police
* 18 yr old dies from cultural circumcision – No pain, no gain Pussy.
* Man dies in 94.7 cycle race – He didn’t even get to ride, he just took his bike off his bakkie and keeled over. Pussy.
* Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes married – Who cares. He’s an arsehole. She’s cute though, but not anymore really. What floppy tits she has.
* Yengeni and Shaik’s Vlog continues.
Master Kungfone say, “Much Respect!”
Categories: Uncategorized
It’s finally happened! Our President has voiced his concern at the high crime rate in South Africa – but lets be honest, with almost half the country dead from crime or dying from AIDS, is this not a little too late?
JMSN 135 – Mbeki Concerned about crime
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* Get out of that chicken and into my bed!
* President Mbeki finally expresses concern over crime rate – But it took so long that half the country is already dead or has AIDS.
* Naomi Campbell arrested – She keeps throwing things at people, she is a violent horrible woman and quite frankly I don’t find her attractive at all. So there.
* Chinese family refused refugee status – I say they should all get out and go home, don’t you know your home?
* Who cares is gays get married? – They’re all gonna die anyway, and then go to hell to burn for their sins.
* Yengeni and Shaik’s Vlog continues.
Master Kungfone say, “Much Respect!”
Categories: Uncategorized
JMSN 134 – Yengeni gets pissed on Bail weekend!
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* South Peace Keepers keep other things as well – Including hot pieces of ass!!
* South African musician culling program continues – This time a man one. Jabu Kanyile joins Lebo, TK and Ma Brrr in the grave. Mandoza is still alive, sadly.
* A depressed drunken Elk killed children – After being fired by Father Christmas.
* Elton John accuses all religions if being intolerant of gays – Who cares what he thinks, the bloody Homo. He’s going to hell anyway.
* ANC chief whip asked not use his whip on PA – Sexual misconduct charges against the man might mean two chief whips in jail
* Yengeni and Shaik’s Vlog continues.
Master Kungfone Say, “Much respect!”
Categories: Uncategorized
I read in the paper today that a 15 year old boy raped an 18MONTH old girl. Nice.
Jou MA Se News episode 133 – Justice has been raped indeed it has.
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* Has Justice Been Raped? – Yes, and so have her sisters, Hope Faith and Charity.
* PW Bans animals from his Funeral – A cute cockatiel and Labrador who wanted to pay their respects got turned away. Even when dead PW was an arsehole.
* A cop trying to stop speeding car was killed by speeding motor car – Maybe he should have smiled.
* Korea toilet tours – Come look at shit in Asia.
* Baghdad – Saddam’s Christmas potentially really shit.
* Yengeni’s Vlog continues unabated
Master Kungfone say, “Much Respect!”
Categories: JMSN · South Africa · comedy · news
Quite frankly, I couldn’t care what happened to the dick.
JMSN 132 – Coucillors watch Porn
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* South African Councillors bust watching porn – Instead of working, these arseholes are watching other arseholes getting filled with cocks.
* 15 th Soweto Marathon completed successfully – No white runners detected.
* Commisioner of correctional services drives drunk – Gets a warning. You can’t have the commissioner of jails in jail, how could she do her job then?
* Tony Leon claims that blacks are bad – At an event at Oxford University. “You misquoted me.” responds Leon.
* Head of Police Jackie Chan Selebi denies corruption charges.
Master Kungfone say, “Much Respect!”
Categories: Uncategorized
Jou Ma Se News Episode 131 – PW Botha Dies!
Thank God this arsehole has died. An Apartheid legacy has gone, sjoe! But I must admit the fact that the current president and ruling party have given him kudos for being a transformatory leader just shows the potential that this country has to be truly democtratic.
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* Apartheid Arsehole dies peacefully – Pity he didn’t suffer like he made his country. The ANC sends condolences and then laughs.
* ID Book corruption – Buy your ID and citizenship for just R650.00
* Indian crook and businessman Shabar Shark thrown out of Gautrain – “Is it because I is Indian?” Asks Shark. “Yes.” Replies country.
* A woman dies from AIDS as predicted – Even though she used Garlic and Potatoes.
* Yengeni’s Vlog continues unabated
Master Kungfone say, “Much Respect!”
Categories: Uncategorized
Bearing in mind that I am the eternal optimist, so it really pains me to say that if School girls are granted maternity leave, we really have sent ourselves down in a spiral of moral decay. I don’t mean to be high and mighty and get all adult, but what the fuck is going on?
Jou MA Se News 130 – School girls pregnant
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JMSN 130
*Maternity Leave for School girls – The education department wants maternity leave for school girls as they keep getting fucking pregnant.
*Police Bungle Murder Cases - “We didn’t bungler anything, put the file in that drawer over there” Buffels Visagie.
*Sexy dancers upset BangKok Queen -Shove a pingpong ball in your fanny.
* Most people killed on roads black - Thabo Mbeki now very concerned, “My voters are dying.”
* Tony Yengeni’s blog continues.
Master Kungfone say, “Much Respect!”
Categories: Uncategorized
